On Monday we received news that we are definitly not in IBESR yet with Aliyah... this definite answer was devestating. On January 23 we were told we would be entering IBESR (the first real step in a Haitian adoption) the week of January 26... but we waited... and waited... and waited... and no one could ever tell us if we had indeed entered IBESR. Keith, being a little more aware of international cultures - especially Haitian culture... took this to mean that we were NOT in IBESR. I continued to hope. I knew in my head he could be right... most likely was right... but my heart couldn't help but hope.
A Haitian adoption typically takes about 2 years as it is... our dossier has been in Haiti for 6 months now... and neither of our adoptions have really started. It breaks my heart to think of my girls growing up in an orphanage one day longer than they need to when they have a family that loves them and wants to share our lives with them. The care at FHG is good, but no matter how good the care is there, it is still an orphanage and there is no way the wonderful nannys there can give our girls the same amount of affection, love and nurturing that we could give them... so, I find myself in tears... trying to understand what God is doing.
Others, who are going through the same, extremly long process we are, but are farther along in it, have told us they can see how much the Lord has worked in their lives during the wait... and while it is difficult, they know God was redeeming that time. I know they are sincere... and I know they are right... but, I find myself wondering, what is so important that He needs to work out in me (us, our boys, our girls... ???) that it has to take THIS long??? And, what about all those who adopt from Ethiopia... where it takes about 9 months to bring home your child... are they all that much closer to what God wants for them... and all of us adopting from Haiti have so much "work" to do first?? I'm just not sure I understand.
I wish I had a better perspective on this... I wish I was able to just say, "in His time..." and rest completly in that... I wish I could honestly have the perfect Christian perspective on this... but right now, I just hurt. I want my girls home... but they can't come home until their process is complete... and it can't be complete until it starts - and probably about 2 years after it starts!!!! I know my God is still on the throne... and I still love and adore Him... I just wish right now I could understand what it is He is doing.
I know in reality, none of this is about us... it is all about Him and His glory... so ultimatly, all I can do is trust in Him... and I do... I just look forward to the day I can look back at this wait (while enjoying my girls in my arms) and see what it was that He was doing during it!
If you want to pray for us, here's how you can pray:
- That whatever Aliyah's file still needs to enter IBESR would be completed and we would get news that we have entered IBESR soon.
- That the judge would decide to go ahead and come out to the orphanage to declare Christela abandoned so that her process can start.
- Christela will be starting a medical treatment on May 1 that will likely make her very sick before it makes her better... please pray God will sustain her and make the side effects minimal.
- That He will wrap His arms around both of our girls while we can't... that they will get all the love and affection they need right now from their nannys until we are able to give it to them.
- That He will comfort our hearts as we long to bring home our girls.
Thanks!
(Here's more cute pictures of our girls from when we were there last month...)
